The Roller Coaster (days 2 - 13th)

This has been an very interesting 11 days.

    As I type this out hunger is constantly reminding me that my intake is not what it use to be.  Water has become my friend in keeping my stomach full yet it has forced me to pull over and find the nearest fast food restaurant to use the urinal.  Fast food has become a liability in my head.  As long as I pack my lunch, I can look past the fast food.  If I know I have something to eat there is no reason to go in there and be tempted.  Alcohol is all but cut out from my life.  It has sugars in it, and even if some don't, the lowered inhibition thing will SURELY lead to a 4x4 animal burger in my belly at 2am.

    With in the first 10 days I have lost 11 pounds!  People have been asking what's different.  Most say it's coming off my face first.  It's definitely positive to hear but I try not to listen. I don't like to have any sense of accomplishment because I want to be satisfied when I hit my goal of 199.

    My daily food regiment includes; One slice a wheat and cold cuts for breakfast.  A protein snack. Then lunch I will eat chicken, veggies, and some cottage cheese.  Another protein snack.  Dinner usually is chicken (again) and more veggies.  Late night snack is a protein smoothie.   My total carb intake needs to be at around 70-79.  My exercise is usually light walking or some work on the elliptical machine.

    Most people notice another change... my attitude.  It's hard to keep in check, but as of late of have been in a pretty bad mood.  Having to keep the hunger in check keeps my brain working in overtime.  Simple tasks get harder because I'm constantly being bothered by hunger.  Also, my energy level has dropped a TON.  So not only am I in a bad mood but it feels like I have to put in more effort into doing basic tasks.  

    Usually this would make me want to QUIT.  But seeing the scale get lower and lower it the pay off.  Soon enough my clothes will be pretty loose and I will be happy to look better.  I will be more willing to be more active now that my joints are not as strained.

    Often my football coach would say, "If was easy everyone would do it."  I know putting in the hard work now will pay off in the long run.  It's pushing the doubt and hunger aside and looking into the FUTURE self.  Confronting the Ricky of 5 years from now and agreeing that the image I see can only be accomplished by the hard work now.  Also, looking at the Ricky of 10 years ago, and seeing how disappointed I would be if I KNEW then that I would get this bad.  Knowing I had higher standards 10 years ago helps me remember how much I valued my health and helps restore that state of mind.

    As of right now I'm about 239.  I have been working more and a little less focused in the diet.  No matter what I have to put the weight loss #1 priority over everything else.  More now than ever.  I cannot let doubt and hunger knock me off this crazy roller coaster of emotions and weight loss.  I have to look at the end of the tracks and see that when I'm done with the wild ride, I can set my foot on solid ground and be happy for the ride and even happier to be done with!

Lab Results and Rabbit Food

Lab Results
   
     Lab results are not always the best thing to look forward to.  There is never a time where labs are done because we are proving a good things.  It's usually to figure out what's ailing us.  Lindora runs a preliminary blood test to make sure a patient is healthy enough to do the program and give them a look into where we are at.

    I figured I was was simply overweight.  I have bumps and bruises from years of sports.  My shoulders are always in pain, my fingers crack all the time, knees are good but hurt every now and then, and about a month ago my elbow has been swelling for no reason.  Hey, I've had worse.  I've been on my back with cracked ribs asking myself why I even bothered showing up to practice.  I had my foot stepped on by a 300lb linemen which ripped my foot on the inside.  I've been slammed on every part of my body in countless wrestling matches.  I even had a person thrown on top of my head which bent my neck inwards to the point where I could not turn my head.  I've always done as my coach always told me, "Rub some dirt on it and get back out there."  This time I got news I've never heard before... you know, the "not me" type of news.

     The news I received was that I was mostly in good shape.  That's the mostly your get when the mechanic tells you that your car works mostly, except for the engine.  So now your car mostly doesn't run.   The doctor told me that I have inflammation and my cholesterol was a bit high.  OK so what?  Then she showed me this ratio they use to determine the risk for a heart attack.  One to three is normal.  Anything above three is bad.  I scored a 9.0.  She pretty much told me if I don't change I WILL have a heart attack soon.  That's where the "not me" thinking came in.


     Flashes of images of one of my best friend laying in a hospital room shot into my mind.  He had tubes sticking down his throat.  His chest rising and dropping with the help of a machine.  All of this right after he had a heart attack at the hospital.  This brief moment in my life changed my for ever.  I wish this on not one person in the world.  Having to see a loved one helpless and fighting for their life.  Especially when it's someone who previously lit a room up with cheer and happiness.

     After the consultation I went to Farmer Boys.  Almost like it was automatic.  I ordered an avocado sandwich, fries, soda, and even Ranch.  I looked at it and told myself this is my Last Meal.  This is the last meal I have where I disregard my health and well being.  This is the last meal to satisfy my old self and give way to the new self.  The last meal where I worry about how far this meal will push me to the brink of death.

Rabbit Food

     The first three days of Lindora are protein days.  Minimize carb intake, eat every two hours, speed up metabolism, get your body into Ketosis.   I call it my rabbit food because it's powder and pebbles.  My food consumption i can put in one pocket.

     Day starts out with a oatmeal raisin crunch bar.  Tastes pretty good.  (16 carbs)  I have to get plenty of fluids on.  Over 80 onces a day.  This is hard when I'm used to drinking cokes and NEVER drinking water.  And now I got the bladder of a three year old and I'm running to the bathroom doing thew pee pee dance.

     I'm at work and I'm trying to keep up with eating.  You don't realize how fast time goes by until someone says eat every 2 hours.  Missing meals is NOT good.  The metabolism slows down and weakness settles in.  It's a pretty slow sales day, so I'm keeping up with the food.

     I'm in Hemet and I have to get to Lindora.  I have to eat at 2pm but I also have to leave at the some time to get there.  I figure I can leave and make up the food.  HUGE MISTAKE! It's hard to switch from the mentality which from try not to each to much to hurry up and east!  I get to Lindora and they weigh me, give me my B vitamin shot, and send me out.

     Now I'm hungry to say the least.  I'm ignoring the smells of fast food on the way home.  Thoughts of In N out 4x4 are shooting through my head.  The only think I have to look forward to is a Strawberry creme smoothie (7 carbs).  Are you kidding me.  A cup of that crap is all I get?!

     So every meal from hear on out is not enough.  I am SUPER irritated and I can't really think from the headache.  The weather is getting hotter and I'm feeling pissed.  I get on my xbox to distract myself but the kitchen is calling.  Then I remember what the nurse said.  "If you get hungry go ahead and have some meat.  Chicken, pork, or beef.  So I run to the kitchen and all I see is left over fast food.  Then I see Chinese food.  Open it and see the pork. She said pork right?   DONE.  I ate it and was 100% better.

   
     In Lindora they require us to do moderate exercise.  Pretty much they want us to walk a lot.  So I grabbed my buddy Charlie and off we went.  We did about a 20 minute walk around the park and that was that.

I had my aunt asking me what was going on for Cinco de Mayo.  I really had not made plans, but I felt like going out.  I did have to think about it though.  Cinco de Mayo pretty much involves heavy drinking and the fattiest foods you can find.  With great reluctance I declined.  Right now is too soon to surround myself with temptation.  I know better than that.

     I finished my my meal plan with one little minor speed bump.  I ended the day with 79 carbs and a shitty attitude.  I even felt myself getting SUPER tired at the end of the night.  I was struggling to stay awake at 11pm.  I figured an affect from not having as many carbs and sugar in my system.

     So time for bed. One good day under my belt.  Another day of rabbit food.  And some unexpected results when I show up to Lindora on day two!

My 2nd Chance...

Lots of things have been happening lately that can't ignore.

One of the most important things is seeing one of my best friends in a hospital bed on life support.  That is not how I remember him, but I would lie to say that image doesn't pop in here and there.

He passed away from heart complications at 29.  

Now I've been getting nagged by my mom to take better care of myself.

Yeah I'm 5'9" and I weigh 250 pounds.  But I used to wrestle, I used to play football, I'm OK right? USED TO seems to be a recurring theme in my life.  I used to be thin. I used to be active.  I used to feel good.  

So my mom finally got tired of complaining and offered to put me in Lindora again.  I agreed because it worked the first time. 

This time though, I didn't get the same information about my health that I did the time before.....